Kid Chats Parent Guide: Secrets and Surprises

Initial Reactions

Watch the ‘secrets vs. surprises’ video with your child. Ask them these questions right after. Let your child’s responses lead to a discussion where you listen more than you talk.

  • What are good surprises and bad surprises? Good secrets and bad secrets?

  • What's the best surprise you've ever received? What's the best surprise you've ever given?

  • Why are good surprises fun? What makes bad secrets and surprises uncomfortable?

  • What can you do if someone tells you a secret or gives you a surprise that makes you feel uncomfortable?

  • If you were uncomfortable about anything, who could you talk to about it?

Follow-up Questions

Make sure that you have ongoing conversations with your child. You can use these questions later to remind them of the things you talked about right after watching the video. Again, try to listen more than you talk.

  • What do you remember from the video we watched that had kids talking about secrets and surprises?

  • Since the last time we talked, has anything happened that makes you uncomfortable? Has anyone asked you to keep it secret?

  • What can you do if you ever feel uncomfortable about something that someone tells you or something that happens?

  • Why do you think it's important for us to talk about this?

  • What can I do to make you feel comfortable talking to me about anything you'd like to?

Questions to Ask Yourself

It’s your job to make sure that your child is safe. Here are a few things to consider yourself or discuss with a co-parent.

  • What am I doing to encourage open communication with my child?

  • What else could I do to encourage open communication?

  • What can I do to be honest and direct with my child so that they will feel like they can be honest and direct with me?

  • Have I ever asked my child to keep a bad secret?

  • How do I communicate to my child that I wouldn't be angry at them if something happened that potentially left them feeling ashamed?

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