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How to Report Sexual Abuse in the United States

If you’ve found yourself in the difficult situation of either knowing or suspecting that sexual abuse is happening, you may have questions or hesitations about reporting the abuse. However, it is important to report what is going on so that the abuse will stop and all those involved can be connected with the resources they need to begin recovering and healing.

We don’t want to downplay how hard and scary it can be to face the prospect of reporting sexual abuse. There are numerous reasons that you might not want to report. The perpetrator could be someone you love and care about, including a family member or even a child or teenager. You might feel like reporting will be disruptive and the abuse is none of your business. You might tell yourself that you should be absolutely certain that abuse is happening before you report.

Despite the legitimate concerns you may have, consider what’s at stake for the child who is being abused. Children who experience trauma like sexual abuse can suffer consequences for the rest of their lives. You need to do what you can to stop that trauma from occurring, and if sexual abuse has occurred, continuing. Here are some practical questions you might have about reporting in the United States.

Who Do I Report to?
In general, you should report to Child Protective Services (CPS). Their primary goal will be to ensure the long-term safety and well-being of the child. Find the specific agency in your state to report to.
What Happens After I Report?
CPS will carry out an investigation, and sometimes law enforcement will help, especially if there are going to be legal consequences for the perpetrator. Investigations will often involve an interview with the child.
Will My Name Be Kept Confidential?
In most states, you can report anonymously, but officials will find it helpful to have your name if you’re willing to give it. Your name should remain confidential after you report. CPS and law enforcement employees won’t inform people of information in an ongoing investigation.
Will The Child Be Taken From The Home?
The primary goal of CPS is to ensure the safety and well-being of the child. Removing the child from the home is usually a last resort for CPS because it is so disruptive. The first line of attack will be to put up checks and safeguards in the home to ensure that the child is safe. A child is only removed if authorities determine that an adult cannot provide adequate care and protection.
Am I Legally Required To Report?
Nearly every state has mandatory reporting laws that require certain individuals to report either suspected or confirmed sexual abuse. Consult these summaries of state laws to find out what your obligations are.

There are other resources out there to help if you still have questions about reporting and if you need support throughout the process.

Stop it Now: 1-888-PREVENT (888-773-2362).

Childhelp: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (800-422-4453).

State Statutes Database

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Healthy sexual development for 9 to 12 year olds.

7 Little Talks on Healthy Sexual Development to Have With Your 9- to 12-Year-Old

One obstacle for many parents when it comes to teaching their child about healthy sexual development is what to teach, and when. We want to help provide you with an outline of things that you may consider teaching at different age ranges. Of course some children are more or less mature than their peers and you should adjust your talks accordingly.

Children from ages 9 to 12, sometimes called “tweens,” may be dealing with a great many physical and hormonal changes. On average, girls are 10 or 11 years old and boys are 11 or 12 years old when puberty begins. With puberty comes heightened sexuality and a greater awareness of sex in the media. By discussing the items below, you’ll help them continue to develop a healthy view of sexuality.

Tweens may also have questions that they bring to you on their own—don’t shut them down! Answer them to the best of your ability and engage in a conversation. They will be more likely to come to you with problems if you are supportive of their questions.

01

SUPPORT HEALTHY BODY IMAGE

This age is when children are especially vulnerable to what makes them different from their peers physically. Be sure you are aware of how they view themselves and encourage them to have a positive outlook of their body and their abilities.  Reinforce the importance of their whole person as it relates to self-esteem, as they may place a large amount of their self-esteem on body image alone. For example, you can compliment your child on their talents, their work ethic, as well as their looks.

02

DISCUSS DRUGS AND ALCOHOL

This may seem young, but many adolescents start drinking or smoking at age 12 or 13. You want to address this with your child before it becomes an issue.

03

TALK ABOUT PUBERTY

There are a lot of physical and psychological aspects of puberty that you will want to share with your child. Armed with the proper education, they’ll feel less overwhelmed by all the changes occurring and be able to make sense of this confusing time of life.

04

TALK ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS, CONSENT AND RESPECT

Model for them what a healthy relationship should look like. Continue to educate them about consent—both for themselves and others. Teach them the role respect should play in their relationships and in practicing consent.

05

ADDRESS APPROPRIATE BOUNDARIES AND SEXUAL ABUSE

Let them know that they are allowed to set boundaries with the people in their lives. Talk more explicitly about sexual abuse and what they should do if it occurs, has occurred, or if they are worried it will occur. This can be a rather difficult topic, but it’s imperative that you address it openly with your child at this age.

06

TEACH THEM ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION


This goes well with both consent and setting boundaries, but you want to empower your child to stand up for themselves, especially when it comes to their physical and emotional well-being.

07

TALK ABOUT MEDIA

This may include discussions about how sexuality, body image, and gender roles are portrayed. For example, you could address the way that women are often treated in advertising, on TV shows, and in movies. It should definitely include a discussion on pornography. It’s within this age group that most children are exposed to their first pornographic images.

This can be a difficult time for tweens and parents alike. A lot of things may be shifting in your relationship. Your child is pushing toward greater autonomy and you need to find the balance between giving them their freedom and keeping them safe. The greatest asset at this age will be open communication between you and your child. Encourage them to come to you with questions and problems. Let them know that you’re there for them and continue to be a safe person for them to confide in.

Remember, conversations don’t have to be perfect. Every time you do it you’ll become a little more comfortable, as will your child. The benefits of just trying will amaze you.

Talking to Your Kids at All Ages

You can talk to your child about healthy sexual development no matter the age. Below we have links to articles about what you should cover in each age range. Always take the time to think through what you’re going to say and remember to keep your child’s maturity in mind. And remember, every time you have a little talk it makes it a little easier to have the next one.

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Healthy sexual development little talks to have with your 5 to 8 year olds.

4 Little Talks on Healthy Sexual Development to Have With Your 5- to 8-Year-Old

At Saprea, we get a lot of questions about when and how you should begin talking to your children about healthy sexual development. Our answer for when is: right now! No matter the age of your child, you can start laying the groundwork for them to have a good understanding of their development.

Children from ages 5 to 8 are becoming more and more curious about their bodies and the bodies of others. By discussing the things below with them (and anything else you feel is appropriate), you’ll help them develop a healthy view of sexuality.

01

Educate them about reproduction.

Teach them the basics. This should be adjusted for their age and maturity level, but make sure they understand the concept. Be sure to use appropriate terms when you teach them. As your child gets closer to age 8, you may want to teach him or her about sexual intercourse. This may seem young, but you want to be the one to teach your child and if you wait too much longer, statistics show they will start hearing about sex from other sources.

  • For younger children this discussion may be as simple as explaining that a baby is made from a sperm and an egg and the baby grows in a uterus.

  • As they get older it may be appropriate for you to add more to this about the mechanics of how it occurs and give them an overview of it

  • Sometimes it’s easier to bring up this discussion with a little help. Here are some books that some of the parents at Saprea have found beneficial in discussing reproduction with their children.

02

Explain different sexual orientations and respect.

It is common for kids at this age to realize that not all families are the same. Help your child understand the different relationships they may notice.  Emphasize respect for all people, even if their values may differ from your own.

03

No one else has rights to their body.

Continue to reinforce that no one else has the right to look at their body or touch it without their consent. Let them know that if anyone makes them uncomfortable through touching, talk, or looking, they need to discuss it with you.

04

No means no.

Continue to remind them that they don’t have rights to anyone else’s body either. If your child is affectionate you can explain to them that not everyone wants hugs or kisses. If someone doesn’t want affection, they need to respect that.

Children at this age are beginning to hear things from peers at school and, as they’re exposed to more media, that may bring up questions. As you lead out on important conversations, your child will learn that you are a safe place for them to express questions that they will surely have. Encourage your child to talk to you about things that make them uncomfortable or that go against what you’ve taught them. An open dialogue is an essential part of protecting your child from child sexual abuse.

Talking to Your Kids at All Ages

You can talk to your child about healthy sexual development no matter the age. Below we have links to articles about what you should cover in each age range. Always take the time to think through what you’re going to say and remember to keep your child’s maturity in mind. And remember, every time you have a little talk it makes it a little easier to have the next one.

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